What does it mean to matter? What does mattering even mean?

Last night I finished reading An Abundance of Katherines by John Green. I really enjoyed it, but for reasons I didn't expect.

When I first picked it up, I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that it was the next book on my list of John Green books to read. I found myself regularly reaching for a pen as I was reading. There were several lines that just struck me, so I needed to mark them. One of the first things I underlined was a line said about Colin:

He liked all books, because he liked the mere act of reading, the magic of turning scratches on a page into words inside his head.

 I've said before that I love reading. Books have always been a big part of my life. But it wasn't until I read this line that I got some sense of why I enjoy reading so much. It really is magic. It's like all of these symbols (typically letters and occasionally numbers) translate themselves into stories about anything and everything inside my head. I honestly can't even explain it. But it blows my mind. It's like an author thinks up and creates an entire world and writes it down to preserve it. And then I come along and read it and bring their ideas to life. Without me, it's almost as though the story has no purpose. Now that's not to say that everything that's written has to be read. There are certain things that should never be shared with others. I myself keep a journal that I don't allow other folks to read. It's just not something that's necessary.

Anyway.

One of the themes of Katherines deals with "mattering". Like wanting to matter in the world. Making a difference so you're remembered kinda thing. It takes the entire book for Colin to realize that mattering isn't the most important thing. In fact, it may not even be a thing that you should strive for in life. At least not necessarily in the ways he was trying to go about mattering. But then at the end of the book when Colin and Lindsey are in the cave, Lindsey says something that (again) strikes me:

...how you matter is defined by the things that matter to you. You matter as much as the things that matter to you do.

This really got me thinking about the things that truly matter to me. To be honest, I'm still mulling those over in my head. I'm sure eventually I'll share them, but for right now, I think I need to keep them to myself.

There's another quote from Lindsey just one page later that perfectly defines having a "Eureka" moment. For some reason I really like it, so I'm going to share it with all of you.

[it's] like if a heroin addict suddenly said, 'You know, maybe instead of always doing more heroin, I should, like, not do heroin.'

Not gonna lie, I laughed out loud when I read this. But moments like this are so great! I had one a couple of weeks ago when I realized that I am so much better off without this one guy in my life. It's like while I was still holding on to him or even the idea of him, I was an addict. But then when I decided that it was best for me to let it go (insert cheesy Frozen reference here), I instantly saw the clouds open up and a light from the heavens came down and shone all around me. It was a good moment. I like those moments.

The last portion of the book that really stuck with me comes from Colin's thoughts. He's finally found himself in love with a girl who's name wasn't Katherine. He's come to terms with what it really means for him to matter. And he's also figured out how to tell a good story and why stories matter.

And Colin thought: Because like say I tell someone about my feral hog hunt [heh, that was an interesting chapter to read]. Even if it's a dumb story, telling it changes other people just the slightest little bit, just as living the story changes me. An infinitesimal change. And that infinitesimal change ripples outward--ever smaller but everlasting. I will bet forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter--maybe less than a lot, but always more than none.

For some reason I don't think that I need to add anything after that. I do recommend An Abundance of Katherines. It's a great read.

xx