Dear self,
Well, you've done it again. Gotten yourself worked up over nothing. But it didn't feel like nothing, did it? It still doesn't feel like nothing... You allow yourself to get so wrapped up in the lives and emotions of the people around you that you don't take time to take care of yourself. It isn't your life, yet it has such an effect on you. The reality is that it doesn't effect you as much as you think it does. But that doesn't make it any easier to just let go. Whatever happened to the saying "let go and let God"? Did you forget? You are so loved by people. They won't just abandon you when someone else comes along. You need to remember that. It may have happened in the past, but your past does not dictate your future. Learn how to sympathise with other people's problems, not empathise. You can still be who you are and care for people, just don't let their issues rule your life. Be your own person. Don't be afraid to have feelings and emotions of your own. Face your own problems and issues, not those of others. You can't solve everyone else's issues, especially when they want you to stay out of it. Let me reiterate to you something: the past is in the past. Look at the present and look to the future. It is so much better than living in something you have no control over.
Dear best friend,
You and I go way back. Well, okay. Not way back. But we go far enough back that I feel as though I can say these things to you. We are soulmates after all. I have been so hurt by you during all of this. And honestly, it's over the fact that you didn't listen to me from the beginning. I know that you have to learn from your own mistakes. But just look at where that has gotten you. If you just look at the facts, it's not that bad. But life isn't about just facts. Emotion is such an important part of life. Let's be honest here...emotion is what drove a lot of the decisions you've made in the last few months. You can't ignore them. I'm so grateful for your friendship and the steps you're taking to mend our relationship. But it will not be an easy road. You said something to me recently that was like a dagger in my chest. Remember how you don't remember spending time with me when you were in a relationship before? That shattered me. One of my biggest fears is being forgotten by those that I care most about. And I realised that fear right then and there. And it was the most terrifying, sinking feeling I have ever felt. You know I love you and I care about you more than anything. I have promised you that I will try to not worry for you about your life. I intend to keep that promise and work as hard as I can to not allow your stresses to become my own, at least not to the extent that I have in the past. But I need you to promise me that you won't forget about me. I know there is physical distance between us now; that makes things harder. But I know you do what you have to for something you care about. Don't let this friendship be as fluid as all of the others. And learn how to start listening to me when I tell you things. (Although we both know that will never happen.)
Dear obsession (I feel weird calling you that, but let's be real, it's what you are),
You have swept in like a hurricane, bringing pain and destruction with you every step of the way. But you have also brought extreme joy and a lot of happiness. From day one, I have not been a fan of you. I have had to deal with a feeling in the pit of my stomach that accompanies the feeling I get right before I have to get a shot or know that I'm about to receive bad news. It's nothing personal. We still haven't ever had proper conversation. But because of the decisions that were made regarding and involving you, I have had to be there for my best friend in ways I never imagined I would need to be. I have never seen my best friend so broken, so helpless, so giddy, so happy, so anything in our entire friendship. I don't understand the role you have taken in their life. I don't need to understand the role you have. But be warned that I still don't have a good feeling. I protect my friends as fiercely as I know how. Is it always smart or the best thing? No. But that's who I am. I'm not perfect. And if you plan to continue to be a part of my best friend's life, we will need to have a conversation. I know you're going through a lot right now. Just be careful in what you do.
Dear future selves,
Isn't it crazy how we look back on tumultuous periods of our lives? I have no idea how this has all panned out at this point in time. I hope, best friend, that we are still best friends. Obsession, I don't honestly know what I hope for you. I know that I hope you are well. But beyond that, I do not know. I know that things are okay. Because they always work out for the best in the end. If things aren't for the best yet, then it isn't the end. But I am hopeful for the future that is in store for all of us, no matter what it holds.
Life is full of ups and downs. You learn things about yourself; you learn things about the people around you. It's hard admitting to your own faults. It's harder to try and fix them. No matter what may be happening in your life or in the lives of those you are close to, remember that you will get through it. They will get through it. And everything will be alright.
