Sometimes the unthinkable happens.
And, you know, sometimes the unthinkable isn't quite so unthinkable.
I'm currently sat on the couch at my friends' apartment. I decided to take my fall break and spend it up in Knoxville, Tennessee with Lex and Em. It's been really great to get away from life and school and work and responsibilities for a few days.
But tomorrow I head back to reality.
And I'm not looking forward to it.
You see, "reality" has now turned into this thing that is more than I want to deal with right now. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but I just can't deal with everything right now.
Mum has cancer...again. About a month ago, she felt a knot in her right forearm. The weeks that followed were a whirlwind of doctor's appointments and tests. It ended when she had surgery two weeks ago. Last Tuesday I went with mum to her followup appointment. That's when we learned that the tumour that was in her arm was a sarcoma, the same type as her second cancer in 1999.
This is an example of when the unthinkable isn't quite so unthinkable.
I did actually have a point to this post. It was all mapped out (in my head) and it was going to be surface level exposure of my thoughts and super positive and uplifting.
But that isn't reality. That isn't how life always is.
It's one thing for you to be a young child and have one of your parents develop cancer. It's a completely different thing to be an adult and have one of your parents develop cancer.
Before this past weekend, I was a wreck. On the outside, I was okay. I was just a normal college student struggling through the week before fall break, stressing over the few remaining things that needed to be done before leaving town for a few days. I didn't want people to know how I was really feeling about my mum. I kinda opened up to a friend on tumblr, but it was a struggle to just be completely open and honest with her.
Now that I'm facing the end of break and the start of going back to reality, I'm realising that I haven't overcome any of this. And that sucks. A lot.
I wanted to be over this. Well, at least as "over this" as I could possibly be. But I'm not.
The thing is, I know what I have to do. But I'm being stubborn and not wanting to reach out to the one that I know can and will help me. And I have no excuse for that.
Honestly... I think that's the most unthinkable thing about this ordeal.
Tuesday 21 October 2014
Sunday 5 October 2014
venues that look like tents, coming full circle, and the best night of my life
The events that occurred Wednesday have been a very long time coming.
On 26 November 2013 I purchased two VIP tickets to see One Direction on 1 October 2014. They were the first tickets I had ever bought to see One Direction. I remember bursting into tears as soon as the order confirmation popped up.
There were three hundred and ten days (that's 310 for folks who like numerals) that transpired between the day those tickets were purchased and the best night of my life. They flew by faster than I could have ever anticipated.
On the final day of September, I made my way from Dayton down to my home in Chattanooga. One of my best friends, Jasmine, was going to be attending the show with me. During the summer, she and I see each other at least once a week, but since school started back up, we hadn't really seen each other in well over a month. And the fact that the reason we were finally seeing each other was because of One Direction was just too much to deal handle. After I got into town, I picked Jas up from her house, and the two of us made a Walmart run to get a few things, including poster making supplies. Once back at my house we spent our evening watching the iHeart Radio Festival on the television, making posters and Skyping with Sam for awhile. Bedtime came kinda early for the two of us; we had to be up at 6:30.
The morning of the concert my body woke me up at 5 o'clock in the morning to pee. Naturally once I was awake the excitement of what was going to happen that evening kept me up and alert. Mum made breakfast for us: pancakes and sausage. It was quite delicious. My goal was to be on the road by 8:30. We pulled out of my driveway at 8:15. I had to pat myself on the back at that. Jas and I ran by her house to get her camera, filled up the tank in Georgia Rose, and stopped at Starbucks for our morning caffeine supply. Before we knew it, we were on the interstate heading to Atlanta. Because of my stellar driving abilities, we arrived in Atlanta in under two hours. We couldn't check into our hotel until 1:30, so we decided to kill some time by going to IKEA. Best. Decision. Ever. IKEA is probably one of my favourite places in the entire world. Jas had never been, so it was fun watching her experience the magicalness for the first time. To kill time we tried to go to The Cheesecake Factory, but this plan failed when we couldn't find a place to park. They wanted $7 to park my car for me... That was not happening. So we decided to head on to the hotel, even though we were going to be early. But on our way into downtown, we drove past a sign that looked familiar. Turns out we were in Buckhead. There's a Bed Bath and Beyond there, so naturally I wanted to stop in and pay them a visit. After that mini excursion, we actually went to the hotel. I think we drove past it three times trying to figure out the best way to pull up to the curb. Oops. But we finally got there and this nice young man with an adorable accent came over and helped me unload my car. Check in went smoothly, except for the fact that they only had a room with two double beds available at the time. Because we're easy to please, we went ahead and took it. Honestly we were just ready to put our stuff down and relax for a bit before getting ready for the show. Side note: the valet guy was adorable and had a super cute accent. He remembered me the next day as the girl who told him to "take care of my baby". What a thing to be remembered by. Anyway, we spent about an hour and a half getting ready. Once we were satisfied with how we both looked, we took a couple of selfies, and set off for the Dome. It probably took about fifteen minutes for us to walk there. I was a bit surprised by how few people were already at the venue when we arrived a little bit after three o'clock. I led the two of us over to the VIP Nation check-in table. And thus began our first queuing adventure of the evening. The line actually moved really fast. They have several people helping with check-in; they were all super friendly and helpful. It started to hit me while in the queue and I could hear soundcheck going on inside the Dome. But it quickly fled as I tried not to think about it. The pre-party started at 4:30. There were nachos, ice cream sundaes, music, drinks (only water and soda...lame), crowd free merchandise shopping... It was all very lovely. The doors opened for the general public at 5. So around 5:10 I decided to use the restroom and then head to our seats. The Georgia Dome is MASSIVE. LP Field in Nashville was big, but the Dome was no comparison. Because it was an enclosed space, everything seemed to be magnified. It was so amazing and electric. To my right were two very nice girls. I cannot remember their names, but they were so lovely. Now, for those of you who read my Nashville blog, you'll know that I had really good seats for that show. But for Atlanta...I just can't even describe it to you.
Anyway. Let's talk about the concert, shall we?
As per usual, 5 Seconds of Summer took stage about ten minutes late. But of course we forgave them because they're precious and adorable and wonderful and talented and Australian. For some reason, their set seemed shorter than it did in Nashville. Honestly, I don't remember them playing for more than an hour, probably even less. But they were still fantastic. After seeing them again, I'm even more excited for the Rock Your Socks Off tour next year. Michael had just recently redone his red hair, so as he started to sweat, it dripped down his face. It wasn't as bad as the iTunes Festival, but still humorous. I remember them exiting the stage and sitting down and looking at Jas and the girl next to me and smiling and saying something along the lines of "that was amazing". Because it was. Those boys know how to play to and entertain a crowd. Let's be real though... 5SOS seemed so short because I was totally focused on One Direction. Honestly.
The lights came up, people started breaking down the 5SOS set, and folks started milling around. Jas and I stayed in our seats. I don't think we could have really walked about to be honest. I was feeling overwhelmed; she was feeling overwhelmed. Those 310 days of waiting was finally coming down to this. As 8:45 loomed closer, they stopped playing videos on the screens and started playing music that pretty much everyone should know. It was fun to see so many people dancing and singing along to different songs. But then it got to be nine o'clock...and there was still no One Direction on stage in front of me. The crowd was growing restless. I remember sitting there as each song came to an end hoping and praying that would be the moment that the lights would go out and the mashup of songs would start playing. That moment didn't come until about twenty after nine. The lights went out, the screams became deafening, the band came on stage, the video started playing. The entire arena was absolutely buzzing. As the video ended and the boys entered the stage, I completely lost all mental capabilities.
This show was very different from Nashville. And I'm honestly not entirely sure why that is. I'm sure that part of it has to do with all of the buildup that occurred during the months leading up to the show. Whatever the reason, it was just grander and bigger and completely amplified. The setlist was the same, but it was different. They boys had so much energy. They were all dancing around the stage, interacting with fans, singing their hearts out, and having a great time. If you want to read a song-by-song analysis, please check out my previous post here. This concert wasn't so much about the music and the songs, as it was about the experience of being there and seeing my favourite boys so close. Standout moments include Niall saying "same old shit, but a different day", which is always a crowd favourite. There was a moment, I cannot remember when, where Harry decided to direct the audience like they were a choir. He reminded me of DW here at Bryan. (Snaps for you if you understand that reference.) During Moments and Little Things, Niall and Louis were smack dab in front of me. I swear to you I lost my mind. Moments is the reason I fell in love with Louis Tomlinson; seeing and hearing it live with them being that close me just made me realise how much I do love him. Oh, and we can't forget to talk about the proposal that happened. I swear, Harry Styles is trying to kill me. First in Nashville he picks up a child who's having a birthday. And then here in Atlanta he helps a guy propose to his girlfriend who also happened to be having a birthday that day. So of course since there was an actual proposal, Harry had to propose to Liam. Losers. I just love all of them so much. Okay. I'm getting off topic a bit. So I had a sign that said "Harry tell us a joke" on it. And there was a time during the show when Liam and Harry both went offstage to go to the bathroom or something. During this time Niall decided that they should kill time by telling jokes. I am choosing to believe that the reason they decided to tell jokes is because they saw my sign. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Also there was a moment when I made direct eye contact with Harry and he smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. I almost passed out right then and there. But I think the biggest thing that happened during the show was when they did their big thank you to the band. In Nashville, they introduced the members separately, and they all played their own little song. But in Atlanta they did something different. Maybe it's because they were running behind; maybe they planned it from the start of the night. I don't really know. The first time One Direction toured, they sang a cover song of Use Somebody. I have always loved that song. Now, after the Up All Night tour and they stopped singing it, I was very upset. But. On Wednesday. When they did their massive thank you to the band. And the band started playing a song. They started playing Use Somebody. I started to lose my mind. When it dawned on me what they were playing, I lost it. And then they started singing it. Oh. My. God. I got the whole thing on video, and it's so funny watching it back because you can hear when I figure out what's going on because I freak out. I sobbed the entire song. It essentially made up for me not being able to hear them sing Teenage Dirtbag. It was completely perfect.
The show didn't end until after eleven o'clock. And the crew at the arena was on top of getting things cleaned up. It took forever to get out of the Dome, though. I remember texting my friend Josiah around midnight telling him that we were walking back to the hotel. That was a lie. First we met up with our friend Layla! It was so nice to finally meet her. We chatted for a bit before actually walking back to the hotel. When we got back to the hotel, we stopped at this corner store and got sandwiches. The man who ran it was so nice. It was close to 12:40 when we finally made it to our room. Jas and I spent the next two hours learning how to breathe again, texting everyone we knew assuring them we were alive, and reliving the concert through all of our pictures and videos. It was well after three o'clock when I finally fell asleep.
I can honestly say that this was the best night of my life. Going to London was a dream come true; seeing the boys in Nashville was spectacular. But this night in the Georgia Dome was more than I could have ever dreamed or hoped it would be. Now I can't wait until the next tour when I can do it all over again with my favourite people in the entire world.
On 26 November 2013 I purchased two VIP tickets to see One Direction on 1 October 2014. They were the first tickets I had ever bought to see One Direction. I remember bursting into tears as soon as the order confirmation popped up.
There were three hundred and ten days (that's 310 for folks who like numerals) that transpired between the day those tickets were purchased and the best night of my life. They flew by faster than I could have ever anticipated.
On the final day of September, I made my way from Dayton down to my home in Chattanooga. One of my best friends, Jasmine, was going to be attending the show with me. During the summer, she and I see each other at least once a week, but since school started back up, we hadn't really seen each other in well over a month. And the fact that the reason we were finally seeing each other was because of One Direction was just too much to deal handle. After I got into town, I picked Jas up from her house, and the two of us made a Walmart run to get a few things, including poster making supplies. Once back at my house we spent our evening watching the iHeart Radio Festival on the television, making posters and Skyping with Sam for awhile. Bedtime came kinda early for the two of us; we had to be up at 6:30.
The morning of the concert my body woke me up at 5 o'clock in the morning to pee. Naturally once I was awake the excitement of what was going to happen that evening kept me up and alert. Mum made breakfast for us: pancakes and sausage. It was quite delicious. My goal was to be on the road by 8:30. We pulled out of my driveway at 8:15. I had to pat myself on the back at that. Jas and I ran by her house to get her camera, filled up the tank in Georgia Rose, and stopped at Starbucks for our morning caffeine supply. Before we knew it, we were on the interstate heading to Atlanta. Because of my stellar driving abilities, we arrived in Atlanta in under two hours. We couldn't check into our hotel until 1:30, so we decided to kill some time by going to IKEA. Best. Decision. Ever. IKEA is probably one of my favourite places in the entire world. Jas had never been, so it was fun watching her experience the magicalness for the first time. To kill time we tried to go to The Cheesecake Factory, but this plan failed when we couldn't find a place to park. They wanted $7 to park my car for me... That was not happening. So we decided to head on to the hotel, even though we were going to be early. But on our way into downtown, we drove past a sign that looked familiar. Turns out we were in Buckhead. There's a Bed Bath and Beyond there, so naturally I wanted to stop in and pay them a visit. After that mini excursion, we actually went to the hotel. I think we drove past it three times trying to figure out the best way to pull up to the curb. Oops. But we finally got there and this nice young man with an adorable accent came over and helped me unload my car. Check in went smoothly, except for the fact that they only had a room with two double beds available at the time. Because we're easy to please, we went ahead and took it. Honestly we were just ready to put our stuff down and relax for a bit before getting ready for the show. Side note: the valet guy was adorable and had a super cute accent. He remembered me the next day as the girl who told him to "take care of my baby". What a thing to be remembered by. Anyway, we spent about an hour and a half getting ready. Once we were satisfied with how we both looked, we took a couple of selfies, and set off for the Dome. It probably took about fifteen minutes for us to walk there. I was a bit surprised by how few people were already at the venue when we arrived a little bit after three o'clock. I led the two of us over to the VIP Nation check-in table. And thus began our first queuing adventure of the evening. The line actually moved really fast. They have several people helping with check-in; they were all super friendly and helpful. It started to hit me while in the queue and I could hear soundcheck going on inside the Dome. But it quickly fled as I tried not to think about it. The pre-party started at 4:30. There were nachos, ice cream sundaes, music, drinks (only water and soda...lame), crowd free merchandise shopping... It was all very lovely. The doors opened for the general public at 5. So around 5:10 I decided to use the restroom and then head to our seats. The Georgia Dome is MASSIVE. LP Field in Nashville was big, but the Dome was no comparison. Because it was an enclosed space, everything seemed to be magnified. It was so amazing and electric. To my right were two very nice girls. I cannot remember their names, but they were so lovely. Now, for those of you who read my Nashville blog, you'll know that I had really good seats for that show. But for Atlanta...I just can't even describe it to you.
Anyway. Let's talk about the concert, shall we?
As per usual, 5 Seconds of Summer took stage about ten minutes late. But of course we forgave them because they're precious and adorable and wonderful and talented and Australian. For some reason, their set seemed shorter than it did in Nashville. Honestly, I don't remember them playing for more than an hour, probably even less. But they were still fantastic. After seeing them again, I'm even more excited for the Rock Your Socks Off tour next year. Michael had just recently redone his red hair, so as he started to sweat, it dripped down his face. It wasn't as bad as the iTunes Festival, but still humorous. I remember them exiting the stage and sitting down and looking at Jas and the girl next to me and smiling and saying something along the lines of "that was amazing". Because it was. Those boys know how to play to and entertain a crowd. Let's be real though... 5SOS seemed so short because I was totally focused on One Direction. Honestly.
The lights came up, people started breaking down the 5SOS set, and folks started milling around. Jas and I stayed in our seats. I don't think we could have really walked about to be honest. I was feeling overwhelmed; she was feeling overwhelmed. Those 310 days of waiting was finally coming down to this. As 8:45 loomed closer, they stopped playing videos on the screens and started playing music that pretty much everyone should know. It was fun to see so many people dancing and singing along to different songs. But then it got to be nine o'clock...and there was still no One Direction on stage in front of me. The crowd was growing restless. I remember sitting there as each song came to an end hoping and praying that would be the moment that the lights would go out and the mashup of songs would start playing. That moment didn't come until about twenty after nine. The lights went out, the screams became deafening, the band came on stage, the video started playing. The entire arena was absolutely buzzing. As the video ended and the boys entered the stage, I completely lost all mental capabilities.
This show was very different from Nashville. And I'm honestly not entirely sure why that is. I'm sure that part of it has to do with all of the buildup that occurred during the months leading up to the show. Whatever the reason, it was just grander and bigger and completely amplified. The setlist was the same, but it was different. They boys had so much energy. They were all dancing around the stage, interacting with fans, singing their hearts out, and having a great time. If you want to read a song-by-song analysis, please check out my previous post here. This concert wasn't so much about the music and the songs, as it was about the experience of being there and seeing my favourite boys so close. Standout moments include Niall saying "same old shit, but a different day", which is always a crowd favourite. There was a moment, I cannot remember when, where Harry decided to direct the audience like they were a choir. He reminded me of DW here at Bryan. (Snaps for you if you understand that reference.) During Moments and Little Things, Niall and Louis were smack dab in front of me. I swear to you I lost my mind. Moments is the reason I fell in love with Louis Tomlinson; seeing and hearing it live with them being that close me just made me realise how much I do love him. Oh, and we can't forget to talk about the proposal that happened. I swear, Harry Styles is trying to kill me. First in Nashville he picks up a child who's having a birthday. And then here in Atlanta he helps a guy propose to his girlfriend who also happened to be having a birthday that day. So of course since there was an actual proposal, Harry had to propose to Liam. Losers. I just love all of them so much. Okay. I'm getting off topic a bit. So I had a sign that said "Harry tell us a joke" on it. And there was a time during the show when Liam and Harry both went offstage to go to the bathroom or something. During this time Niall decided that they should kill time by telling jokes. I am choosing to believe that the reason they decided to tell jokes is because they saw my sign. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Also there was a moment when I made direct eye contact with Harry and he smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. I almost passed out right then and there. But I think the biggest thing that happened during the show was when they did their big thank you to the band. In Nashville, they introduced the members separately, and they all played their own little song. But in Atlanta they did something different. Maybe it's because they were running behind; maybe they planned it from the start of the night. I don't really know. The first time One Direction toured, they sang a cover song of Use Somebody. I have always loved that song. Now, after the Up All Night tour and they stopped singing it, I was very upset. But. On Wednesday. When they did their massive thank you to the band. And the band started playing a song. They started playing Use Somebody. I started to lose my mind. When it dawned on me what they were playing, I lost it. And then they started singing it. Oh. My. God. I got the whole thing on video, and it's so funny watching it back because you can hear when I figure out what's going on because I freak out. I sobbed the entire song. It essentially made up for me not being able to hear them sing Teenage Dirtbag. It was completely perfect.
The show didn't end until after eleven o'clock. And the crew at the arena was on top of getting things cleaned up. It took forever to get out of the Dome, though. I remember texting my friend Josiah around midnight telling him that we were walking back to the hotel. That was a lie. First we met up with our friend Layla! It was so nice to finally meet her. We chatted for a bit before actually walking back to the hotel. When we got back to the hotel, we stopped at this corner store and got sandwiches. The man who ran it was so nice. It was close to 12:40 when we finally made it to our room. Jas and I spent the next two hours learning how to breathe again, texting everyone we knew assuring them we were alive, and reliving the concert through all of our pictures and videos. It was well after three o'clock when I finally fell asleep.
I can honestly say that this was the best night of my life. Going to London was a dream come true; seeing the boys in Nashville was spectacular. But this night in the Georgia Dome was more than I could have ever dreamed or hoped it would be. Now I can't wait until the next tour when I can do it all over again with my favourite people in the entire world.
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