What does it mean to matter? What does mattering even mean?

Last night I finished reading An Abundance of Katherines by John Green. I really enjoyed it, but for reasons I didn't expect.

When I first picked it up, I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that it was the next book on my list of John Green books to read. I found myself regularly reaching for a pen as I was reading. There were several lines that just struck me, so I needed to mark them. One of the first things I underlined was a line said about Colin:

He liked all books, because he liked the mere act of reading, the magic of turning scratches on a page into words inside his head.

 I've said before that I love reading. Books have always been a big part of my life. But it wasn't until I read this line that I got some sense of why I enjoy reading so much. It really is magic. It's like all of these symbols (typically letters and occasionally numbers) translate themselves into stories about anything and everything inside my head. I honestly can't even explain it. But it blows my mind. It's like an author thinks up and creates an entire world and writes it down to preserve it. And then I come along and read it and bring their ideas to life. Without me, it's almost as though the story has no purpose. Now that's not to say that everything that's written has to be read. There are certain things that should never be shared with others. I myself keep a journal that I don't allow other folks to read. It's just not something that's necessary.

Anyway.

One of the themes of Katherines deals with "mattering". Like wanting to matter in the world. Making a difference so you're remembered kinda thing. It takes the entire book for Colin to realize that mattering isn't the most important thing. In fact, it may not even be a thing that you should strive for in life. At least not necessarily in the ways he was trying to go about mattering. But then at the end of the book when Colin and Lindsey are in the cave, Lindsey says something that (again) strikes me:

...how you matter is defined by the things that matter to you. You matter as much as the things that matter to you do.

This really got me thinking about the things that truly matter to me. To be honest, I'm still mulling those over in my head. I'm sure eventually I'll share them, but for right now, I think I need to keep them to myself.

There's another quote from Lindsey just one page later that perfectly defines having a "Eureka" moment. For some reason I really like it, so I'm going to share it with all of you.

[it's] like if a heroin addict suddenly said, 'You know, maybe instead of always doing more heroin, I should, like, not do heroin.'

Not gonna lie, I laughed out loud when I read this. But moments like this are so great! I had one a couple of weeks ago when I realized that I am so much better off without this one guy in my life. It's like while I was still holding on to him or even the idea of him, I was an addict. But then when I decided that it was best for me to let it go (insert cheesy Frozen reference here), I instantly saw the clouds open up and a light from the heavens came down and shone all around me. It was a good moment. I like those moments.

The last portion of the book that really stuck with me comes from Colin's thoughts. He's finally found himself in love with a girl who's name wasn't Katherine. He's come to terms with what it really means for him to matter. And he's also figured out how to tell a good story and why stories matter.

And Colin thought: Because like say I tell someone about my feral hog hunt [heh, that was an interesting chapter to read]. Even if it's a dumb story, telling it changes other people just the slightest little bit, just as living the story changes me. An infinitesimal change. And that infinitesimal change ripples outward--ever smaller but everlasting. I will bet forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter--maybe less than a lot, but always more than none.

For some reason I don't think that I need to add anything after that. I do recommend An Abundance of Katherines. It's a great read.

xx

Stars with Faults and Towns made of Paper

I'm an avid reader. If you put almost any book in my hands, I'll probably have it read within about 24 hours.

One of my favourite authors has recently become John Green. Yeah, technically he write young adult fiction, but there are some stories that transcend age.  One of those stories is a book that has its theatrical debut this week, "The Fault in Our Stars".

When I was a freshman in college, my best friend growing up texted me one afternoon saying, "Have you heard of TFIOS??" My immediate reaction was, "Ermmm, what?" because I had absolutely no idea what on earth she was talking about. She ended up calling me and explaining to me about this magical book she had just finished about a girl named Hazel Grace Lancaster and a boy named Augustus Waters. Her excitement rendered 80% of her words unintelligible. But at the end of her ramblings she said, "Hold on. I'm going to mail it to you. Promise me you'll read it as soon as it gets to you."

A few days later I was alone in my dorm room, sitting on the floor in the fetal position, crying my eyes out after having finished reading "The Fault in Our Stars".

It truly was a fantastic story. It captured my attention from the moment I picked it up and started reading it. I'm pretty sure I even kept my roommate awake because I was reading into the night. The characters seemed so real, and I found myself irrevocably invested in their lives. I felt their pains and their joys.

As I'm typing this, I'm making plans to see the film tomorrow evening with one of my best friends. Unfortunately I won't be able to see it with the friend who introduced me to the story...she's busy studying abroad in London for six weeks. Fingers crossed I don't turn into a blubbering mess in the theatre.

Back on the topic of John Green... I recently read his book "Paper Towns".

If I'm being honest, I don't know that I can pick a favourite between this book and TFiOS. They're two completely different stories that convey, albeit similar, opposite messages. (Yes, that is possible. You'd understand if you read both books.)

Never have I read a book that I couldn't put down but also had to put down because it was getting to be too much. Looking back, I don't even know what it was that was too much. The first part of the book left me constantly smiling. I loved reading about the different things Margo had planned for her and Quentin. The second part left me feeling puzzled as Q attempted to figure out what Margo may or may not have left for them to find. And the third part gave me a sense of adventure as I tracked Q and his friends' progress tracking Margo down.

I think another reason the book really struck a chord with me was the constant mention of Walt Whitman throughout the story. His poem "Leaves of Grass" plays a major role in the plot. It brought back many memories of being in English class in high school. We spent a great amount of time studying Whitman and this poem.

Anyway, I've discovered that I really enjoy John Green. So far I've read TFiOS, "Paper Towns", "Will Grayson, Will Grayson", and "Looking for Alaska". Next on my list is "An Abundance of Katherines". Hopefully I can get my hands on that soon.

xx